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deedeeking5202

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death is imminent... [Dec. 11th, 2004|03:55 pm]
deedeeking5202
[mood |distressedDYING??]
[music |i wanna live - RAMONES]

so yeah, i feel like total junk today and im at the south bay office of westside rentals. its just me and seth, and its cool, just hanging out, but it really is kinda boring doing nothing. we got the holiday meeting/party tonite at casey's so that should be ok, i guess.

the reason why i feel like total crapola today is cause my heart is hurtin again and its like OW and everyones like "your faking it" and all this crap and its like "who cares that you hurt just as long as i get what i want!" and its like "ahh, why dont you care and not listen? its like you hear me, but you dont listen! and you dont care!!" geez. and its not just one person whos doing this to me and im not talking about one person, its like a LOT of people, but if your reading this, its NOT you. DEFINETLY NOT YOU. cause you people who read this journal care. the people who are saying this stuff are like the people who make me NOT wanna live. AND THEY DONT READ MY JOURNAL. jerks.

and then this morning when i was asleep my mom asked me if i wanted a nintendo DS for christmas and i was like too asleep to make a rational desicion, so now im getting a DS and i really wanted a new biker jacket. and so now im only getting this for christmas and nothin else. its kinda lame. but at least i have my DARKWING DUCK DVDS on the way.

hope the dvds come before i die, cause i NEED some DW before i die.

pray for me or something guys. i dont wanna die, yet. ill wait till after christmas to die.

always yours,
dee dee nova
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ow [Dec. 10th, 2004|04:01 pm]
deedeeking5202
[mood |confusedAGH!?!?!]
[music |ramones - poison heart]

so my heart has pretty much been ripped outta my chest and like bitten up.

im dead.

i hate it.

gah.

TAKE CARE OF MY HEART, MAN.
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im on my last beat... [Dec. 10th, 2004|12:27 pm]
deedeeking5202
dude im like dying man.

if you were at work with me, you saw me. i had to leave because of this excruciating pain in my heart. it really really hurt. so garrett (the man of the hour, every hour) had to take me to the emergency room in pauls car. dude i was like dying.

so i waited in the emergency room for like 3 1/2 hours and they wouldnt let my mom in until i yelled at em cause i was bored and i was just in so much pain. and so i yelled at em to let my mom in and they did. jerks.

so then they told me to go home because they said that there was nothing wrong with me at all (which was a lie). so i left, mad.

then we ate at rosti and dominic took my phone number again and he said he wants to start a band.

then i went home and the pain started again.

it sucks.

oh well.
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its been a long time.... [Nov. 18th, 2004|11:07 pm]
deedeeking5202
well, its been a long time, a real long time.

maybe ill start coming back here more often.

ive realized that journals are just an excuse for complaining and i dont really like the whole complaining aspect of it, but im gonna do it anyways cause i need someone to talk to who wont judge me, so ill talk to myself. oh wait, thats what therapists are for.... eh, ill do it anyways.

if i offend you, you have the total right to just click out of the screen and just forget about me. its what the people i care the most about do best.

i need some prayer right now to help me through some really hard things. not too much has been going right, and im still trying to work everything out. i need as much help as i can get. i dont want anyone to hate me or be mean to me and i just wish i could make a difference in someones life that will mean everything to that person. if that one person could just see how hard i work just to make them happy.... if they could just understand me.... if they could see that no one would ever do what i do for them.... if they could love me for me.... if they could see that im faithful to them.... being forgiving through everything and not holding grudges.... if they could feel my feelings for them.... if they could see that they mean the world to me.... if they knew how much i sacrifice for them... if they knew... if only. there are too many "ifs" and "whys" in my life and not enough "whens".

i know that God's told me that im right for that person and that Hes told him that they are right for me and they need to realize that its God telling them that. when God tells you to do something, you better do it, or else something bad will happen. its always happened in the past, and its gonna happen again.

i just want to be accepted for who i am, its so hard for them to do that. your talents may be great, but i have a few too and if i respect your talents, i expect you to respect mine too. i may not be as good as you are at everything and i may not get everything i want, but im still just as human as you are.

enough complaining now. i dont really wanna offend anyone, its just what im feeling right now, i just need some prayer. thats it.

thanks to all who care.

your buddy,

dee dee nova
AKA
el cholo
AKA
little dee dee ramone jr.
AKA
jeremy
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i almost forgot... [Aug. 9th, 2004|08:46 pm]
deedeeking5202
hey im one of the cool kids now... hooray...

im such a loser.

or..

in the great words of "THE MASTER" steve taylor...

"I Want To Be A Clone"
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the beginning of the end.... [Aug. 9th, 2004|08:34 pm]
deedeeking5202
well here i am, 2 days before my 18th birthday starting up a livejournal accout and i didnt have to bug anyone to get it either.

wow.

well gladys, i did it for you. merry christmas. come to my birthday.

whee.
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